I guess a trip to Helsinki should be in my future. I wish it was sooner than later but I know I can’t afford it till later. I realized that once my student loans are paid off in 2019 I’ll be effectively getting a $6k a year boost in income. That should make my wander lust easier. At least I hope. Probably not. I seems to me once I’m done saving up for one thing, a new thing to save up for appears. It honestly stresses me out. I would like just to spend a few months paying off my credit cards (thus increasing my income) or just enjoying the cash. Money in general stresses me out. I have to work on my relationship with it.
Speaking of eastern Europe this whole Ukraine thing is starting to get out of hand. Well, the revolt was pretty crazy but it was until today a civil war. Now the Russian federation has entered as a potential belligerent. I hope we don’t start a war with them. Let them take back the Crimea. Why should we get involved? That area is Sympathetic to the Russians anyway.
The problem is have with a coworker I think has been sorted out. We just don’t talk or acknowledge the others presence. There was a terrible tension in the room on Thursday. Today was not as bad. I rarely have a dire hatred of another person. Yet, the interactions I have with them just burn me up. They were a temp, and they’re not getting a full time position. I have to “be nice”to them to prevent complaints of retaliation. I don’t get this way often. This way being angry and feeling justified in taking action against what offends me. Yet, in the last few years when I do, I can’t do anything about it. It’s that sense of powerless, of “why the fuck can’t I lash out at shit. Everyone else gets to.” It’s as if my life’s situation force me to take a more Buddhist path on things. Typically when I do things go well. I know I should do that more. I type on here all the time that I need to meditate more. Right now, I just think I need to sleep more.
Tonight a person reacted to me like I was a creeper/potential rapist. I get it, I understand why someone would act defensive seeing me walk down the street. It’s NYC they did the right thing. Still, seeing them pull to the side, clutch their purse as if they were going to pull out mace/or prevent you from snatching it, and telling you to “go.” When all you are doing is walking home from the train station. It does suck.